I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
