Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
