Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ok first of all what the fuck
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
