i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
