Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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