I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
