is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
