Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
