yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
