This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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