You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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