Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
