And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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