Ambien. No doubt about it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
