Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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