Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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