You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize