It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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