You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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