I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
