Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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