Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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