in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
