the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
