Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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