I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
