I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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