Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
did i just pee glitter
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
