found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
