I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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