the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
