Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
