I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
