I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
