i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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