Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
