why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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