I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
