ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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