A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
