her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
