He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize