You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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