i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
