it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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