can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
