at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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