I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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