took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize