You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
