I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
