Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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