i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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