just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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