I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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