I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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