Where is the hickey?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
