I puked a lego.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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