Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
