Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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