captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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